I didn't realize how much so until now. Now I am so overwhelmed.
I dreaded going back to work. I love my job, I just wasn't sure how I was going to be able to do it all. I used to get to work each day by
Now that work day is too long for me. I am trying my best to leave as close to 4 as I can. The problem is that I am trying to fit in the same amount of work I did before. Between losing two planning periods and leaving early, there is a difference of about 6 hours. It isn't possible.
It should get better...for a while at least. My student teacher will start taking on more responsibilities beginning next week. For now though I want to model as much as I can the "right" ways to do things to make the transition smoother when she takes over...and instead I feel like I am treading water just trying to keep my head above. I know it will soon be less work, and I love working with developing educator, but for now it is still just more work when I don't feel like I am doing that great a job to start with.
Then there is the house. The Irishman has had to work late for the last three weeks. One night last week he called as he was leaving work at 8pm. We have a to do list that is getting the best of us. There is no way we can get to the garden before the baby comes. We just have so much to do...and so much of it I don't feel like I am able to do...the boxes in the closet...the floor in our bathroom. We are both overwhelmed. I can't keep up with things at work or at school and it is really getting to me.
Today will be a 13 hour work day. We have Open House. The parents in my class are most concerned (and understandably so) about what will happen to THEIR kids when I go on my maternity leave. I HATE those conversations. It burst into tears at the thought of having to go back in February. The most important thing on my to do list is to sort out child care for when I go back to work...and it is the one thing I keep putting off. It breaks my heart to think about it. I know I have to do it...but I am just so overwhelmed. I don't need reminders from well-meaning parents that I am not going to want to leave that baby to go back to work. I know that already. That is the problem.
I know it will all work out. I just have to let go and know that things will work out. On my tearful drive home from work last night I heard "Unanswered Prayers" and "Jesus Take the Wheel." I know I just need to take a deep breath and know that my best is all I can do.
I am sorry for the down post. I am just overwhelmed...and overly hormonal. (And running late this morning...go figure!)